have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
