Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
