I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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