The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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