it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
