She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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