that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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