did you get engaged???
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
