I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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