and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
