yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
