I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
