I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
