my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
