Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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