i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Best friends brother. Beat that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
