He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
