Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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