...so i touched it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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