Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
