There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
