We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
