Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Actions speak louder than pants.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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