i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
