Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
