If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
