Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
