Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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