Non-Jews are for practice
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
