I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
