there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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