Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
