No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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