Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
