no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize