found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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