No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
