And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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