Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
