we have officially lost it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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