I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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