she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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