I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
