life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
