In the future we'll all be gay
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
