Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
