my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
