he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
