those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
