im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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