i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
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