I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
