We're like a lot better than the average bears
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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