Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
