I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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