Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
