Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
