playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Barsexuality is the new black.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
