Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
