benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
