The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
