i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
