Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
