the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
