does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
