Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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