he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
